Chapter 13. Introverts. Extroverts.
Sally was a former student who was part of our Intern Leadership team in junior high. She was somewhat reserved, and a hard worker, but not a leader among the leaders. We met again when she was in college. She said, “Coach, I am so happy to see you. Did you know that my life changed forever back in junior high when I was a project leader?”
She continued, “The day we did the workshop on being an introvert was the best. Until then, I wasn’t very popular at school. It wasn’t that people didn’t like me; I was just afraid to talk. I got good grades, but I hated speaking up in class. I think my mom kind of labeled me ‘shy’ as a child, and I lived it out. Until you explained that both introverts and extroverts can be the greatest leaders- as long as they learn who they are, and are willing to take some risks.”
Sally’s words impacted me, and I began working harder to prioritize coaching introvert and extrovert activity in all my trainings.
The sooner you accept yourself as an introvert or extrovert, the better!
What is an extrovert? Extroverts are outgoing, expressive, and sometimes unreserved. Sometimes they can seem more concerned with physical and social environment more than people. Most extroverts mix well in social settings without anxiety or stress. Some call them the “life of the party,” and they gain energy from being with people!
What is an introvert? Introverts enjoy spending time alone, tend to limit social settings, and find social situations draining. Unlike extroverts, they regain their energy by being alone. I get frustrated sometimes when people apologize because they are “shy.” Somewhere in their life, they were labeled as if it were something bad, but it is nothing to apologize for. The reality is you can be a great leader, whether an introvert or extrovert.
I tell both introverts and extroverts that the best leaders know how to “come to the middle.” Sometimes extroverts will have to settle down a little even if it is hard. At the same time, introverts may have to speak up in front of people when they would rather not.
Both take practice. More importantly, it takes desire. If you want to lead, you must learn to understand your audience, love who you are, but be willing to step out of your comfort zone and get the job done.
And the best part? I never want introverts to think they need to become extroverted, or extroverts to become introverted. When we love who we are, we love learning how to be our best self.
Leadership Reflections
· Where do you think you fit on the line below? Put an ‘x’ on the line below.
Introvert __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ Extrovert
· Explain why you chose that place on the line.
· Can you name people like you? Can you name people who are the complete opposite of you?
Lorien’s Journal.
My bubbly, loud, talkative, theatrical, friendly and outgoing ways…
2017. California.
In 8th grade, I attended a leadership workshop where I discovered I was an introvert! I had always been told by others that my bubbly, loud, talkative, theatrical, friendly and outgoing ways enabled me in becoming a good leader. The words that day that got my attention were “Extroverts get their energy from others, and Introverts lose their energy.”
As I sat and listened, I thought.
“Is there such a thing as an outgoing introvert?”
That day, I figured out I needed to learn how to “recharge” myself if I wanted to last as a leader. Being with people sometimes energized me, but I also needed time alone. Being with people also tired me out… at times almost to exhaustion.
Understanding this about myself helped. I began leading through high school with a fresh perspective of myself. I found I didn’t have to give up my “bubbly lifestyle.” In college and in my 20s, I began leading student leadership teams and bands across America. At times we interacted with hundreds of students each night, a sure formula for disaster for someone who loves being with people but can be exhausted by them. So, if my life changed at age 14, it again changed as my leadership career began. I knew, and my teammates knew, I needed time alone. All alone. I don’t need much time, maybe a half-hour before joining a major event, or a short walk alone during meal time, but I need a little alone time to refocus and take a deep breath.
I love my life, and I know I am different than many other leaders. Figuring out this ‘extroverted introvert’ is one of the best things I ever learned about myself.
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